Part 26: Hotel

BGM: It's Raining Somewhere Else



PSHHHHHHT.
WHO NEEDS THAT! YOUR FRIENDS ARE GREAT CHEFS!
Well, maybe our cooking abilities aren't exactly perfect.
Nah!!! They totally are!! Eat up, punk!!



ISN'T FRIENDSHIP DELICIOUS?





But I didn't want to look like I messed up. So I kept walkin' in anyway.
Now I'm just... kinda... consuming dew off this ficus.







"The food is to die for!"
"Gorgeous style and fragrance!"
"My face tastes beautiful!"
(...these are all Mettaton.)



But now, building things winding and confusing... It's some awful tradition.
You can't go (ugh) two feet without being up to your armpits in puzzles.



That means we can shuffle the layout at will.
Boy, was today a FUN day! I sure love PUZZLE!!!



Now, my son. He wants to be a comedian like his fathah.
But his jokes. Aren't funny.
He tells this awful puns. He's an embarrassment to our family.
Ha ha ha ha...
That's not funny.
Since his mothah passed on, he couldn't stand. Living at home anymore.
So he ran away. I haven't seen him since.
I'm a terrible fathah. Ha ha ha ha...
That's not funny.
Talking to you about this... It's breakin' my heart.
Ha ha ha ha...
That's not funny.



You'll also need to reserve your chair, your silverware, your food, your...



Welcome to MTT Resort.



REALLY? ME NEITHER.
Papyrus, we should go on vacation sometime!
YEAH!! LET'S VACATION TO A HOTEL!!!
Well, maybe we would go someplace besides the hotel, too...
OH, I WAS BEING SARCASTIC.
I WOULD NEVER TAKE A VACATION FOR ANY REASON.



Royal Memorial Fountain
Built 201X
(Mettaton Added Last Week)





I save my game.



Whether you're here for a night or still live here, MTT Resort prides itself on a great stay!
Just passing through...? Nice! MTT Resort prides itself on being passed through!



I think there's some cold pizza in my treasure horde you can heat up...





The hotel's doing its best to accomodate everybody stuck here.
Me? I just like explaining things to passersby.



Looks like I can't go to the city from here.





Maybe later.

Do let us know if you change your mind. Have a sparkular day!



To the east, I find the rooms.





(You pour the Sea Tea under the door.)



(You got 99G.)





(You flatten the Cinnamon Bun until it's paper thin.)
(You slide it under the door.)



(You got 99G.)



(Seems like you could put something under the door.)



(You put a Hot Dog in front of the door.)
(A white paw shoots out from under the door.)
(It tries to pull the Hot Dog into its room...)
(But it keeps pressing down too hard, and the hot dog keeps spinning away.)
(...)
(It finally succeeds.)
(...)
(You hear the grinding of stone.)
(A single hushpuppy slides out from under the door.)



That's a bit of clutter gone from my inventory.



I head back, and exit the hotel to the south.



(Go up the creepy alleyway on the right for some great deals!)



Sounds fishy. I check it out immediately.



BGM: Dating Start!

Items for sale:









I'm gonna pass on most of this for now, if only because it's really pricey. But...



I'll snag the Mystery Key at least.

Can I sell things here?



We don't. Really need. Anything.
Wait! I'll pay you 1000G if you get Mettaton to autograph my butt!



Time to start chatting, then!





What a pair.



The stuff inside, is like...
TOTALLY wicked expensive.
But,, like, this stuff we found is like...
TOTALLY wicked cheap.
You should...
Like...
TOTALLY wicked buy all of it?



I mean, like, where does anyone get guns, or food, or...
We found it in the garbage!



It's GOOD garbage.
It's like, really good garbage.



Where do we get the garbage?
Like, the garbage store, duh!!!







Oh my God. Mettaton.
Oh my GOD, METTATON.
He's like... My robot husband.
Actually he's like... MY robot husband.
I think we're like... both going to marry him.
We're both like, ALREADY married to him.
He just, like, doesn't know it yet.



So, like Dr. Alphys built Mettaton, right?
That's like, what they TELL you.
But like... Mettaton always acts like...
...being built was HIS idea somehow.
And even right after he was built...
...he acted like Alphys was an old friend.
But they're like... not friends anymore.
Yeah!!! Unlike me and Bratty!! Best friends for-EVER!!!





She used to live on our street.
She was like a big sister.
I mean, like, if your big sister...
Takes you on trips to the dump.
She showed us the coolest places to find trash.
She was always collecting these weird cartoons.
Then she became the Royal Scientist...
Yeah, we haven't seen her in forever...



So Alphys has always, like...
Thought Asgore is a SUPER cutie.
So, like, I'm pretty sure she...
Made Mettaton to, like, totally impress him.
A robot with a soul...
That's, like, SUPER relevant to his hobbies!
So after seeing Mettaton, Asgore...
Asked her to do all this science stuff for him!
But nobody's, like, seen anything from her yet.
Or... her at all...
She must, like, just stay in her lab all day.
Like, live a little, girl.
Yeah!!! Like us!!!



Oh my God. He's a total goober.
He's a big, fuzzy goofball!!
Like, I love that guy.
He's like, SO nice.
God, we're like...





Like, see you later!
Like, later and stuff!



Well, that was fun. I go back to the hotel.



I could go for a burger.



I'll try to talk to him, first.



OK, what's for sale?









Just to get him talking, I buy a Glamburger.



Can I get him talking now?



I'll get in trouble if I get chummy with the customers.
Sorry.
...
SO, I wanted to be an ACTOR.



I'm getting on in years, so let me give you some advice, little buddy.
You've still got time. Don't live like me.
I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life.



Listen. I like you, little buddy. So I'm gonna save you a lot of trouble.
Never interact with attractive people.
Unless you're "one of them," they're just gonna take advantage of you.
Like that time those two chicks asked me to sneak them some glamburgers.
And I, naive teenager that I was, said yes to them.
Bad idea.



So I went out to the alley to see those two ladies, and uh... you know, see what'd happen next.
...
Then my boss, uh, saw me and asked what I was doing.
I was so startled, the hamburgers in my pockets tumbled out onto the ground.
Not wanting to lose face, I scrambled to pick them up!
But, as I was leaning over, the weight of the remaining hamburgers...
...caused my pants to fall down.
Then the girls laughed at me.
Everyone calls me Burgerpants now.



When I first came to Hotland, it was my dream to work with Mettaton.
...
Well, be careful what you wish for, little buddy!



God, have you even looked around? This place is a labyrinth of bad choices.
And every time we try to change something for the better, he vetoes it and says "that's not how they do it on the surface".
Oh! Right!
Humans are always eating hamburgers made of SEQUINS AND GLUE.



Why do people find him so attractive??
He's literally just a freaking rectangle.
...
You know, one time, I bought one of those, uh, kits online... to...
Uh, make yourself more rectangular.
...
They don't work.



Future? WHAT future? Nothing down here EVER changes.
I'll probably be trapped at this stupid job forever.
...
But wait! There's one thing that keeps me going!
If Asgore gets just one more soul, we'll finally get to go to the surface!
It'll be a brand new world! There's gotta be a second chance out there for me! For everyone!
So stay strong, little buddy. When I make it big, I'll keep you in mind.



Hmmm... Why not try selling that to the two chicks in the alley?



Any time, little buddy.



I head back out to the alley.



Oh, that guy from the store? Yuck, what a creep.
Yeah! He's a creep!
But he's kind of cute, too...
C'mon, Catty, don't you have ANY standards?
Nope!!!



OK, like, the annoying thing is...
He'd be OK if he just treated us with some respect.
But he just acts... Really weird.
And then acts like it's OUR fault that he acts that way!
Like, when we asked him to get those Glamburgers...
He dropped them and ran away before we could even say anything!
We were, like, going to share them.
Really? I wasn't.





I head back to the burger emporium.



The girls were... Talking about me...?
They say I should stop acting like they owe me...
...and if I want to be FRIENDS with them, I should just... uh, try to see things from their perspective?
Wow.
Poor, naive little buddy. They've brainwashed you.
"Friendship" is just a hot person's way of making you their slave.
...
So, uh, what time would they wanna hang out?





Oh, uh...
Yeah!! He should come look for junk with us!
But like, if we let him hang out with us... I just worry it'll...
...be really super fun!
Um, that was NOT what I was gonna say.
But I was close, right!?



Well, that kind of guy...
You hang out with him once, then he wants to hang out...
All. The. Time.
But don't you feel bad for him, Bratty?
Poor Burgerpants...
Think about how cool we are compared to him!!!
We'd be saving his LIFE with our friendship!!
His LIFE, bratty!!
Uh, so?
...
Think of all the glamburgers he could get for us!!
...So is he free after work?





They wanna hang out after work?
Ha! Ahahaha!! Yes!!! I won't let you down!!
Little buddy... thank you.
You've brought a tear to the eye of this old man.
So, uh, where do they want to go?
...
They want to hang out at the garbage dump.
...
Well, nowhere to go but up, right, little buddy?



Well, that's enough of that. Time to backtrack a bit.



I go back past the stage where I danced with Mettaton.



It sort of makes me feel like I could wear one, too!



According to my definitely-not-manually-updated system clock, it's about time for an art club meeting!









Optional boss time!



BGM: Wrong Enemy!?



Oh, I'm so sorry! How clumsy of me... I've bumped into you.
I'm such a klutz.
I was just here to find something to draw, and...
Oh no, it's ok! It's OK!
I'll give you a gift to make up for your troubles.
Let me look in my vest!



As So Sorry checks, their tail sweeps back and forth. I have to watch its color to know how to respond - either move through it or stand still.

Options are Check and Something.



Ummm, I couldn't find anything I want to give away.
Wait, wait!



I can draw you a picture in it!
I'm quite the artist, you know.
I'll draw you a GREAT picture!!!



Same attack, but a bit faster.

From here, I'll just Spare, because my actions don't really effect them.



Wait! I know the problem!
I just have to find a better piece of paper for it!



None of my papers are good enough to use...
IT'S OK!!!
I know what I can do! I'll use my magic pencil!
It has to be under some of these papers somewhere!!!!



With bad RNG, the second round of this attack can be pretty devastating. I pop a Nice Cream to recover.



My magic pencil is amazing!
Everything I draw with it looks...
COMPLETELY REAL!





These doodles can be very dangerous, especially doing 5 damage per hit. I'd better deal with them quickly.





AHHHHH!!!



When one is defeated, the other one picks up the pace to keep things hard.

I Draw for the other one, too.



I've messed up. I've really messed up. Oh no.
I'll just use a regular pencil! I'll try my best!



This is where the fight gets seriously hard. It wouldn't be too unexpected if I had died here.



I just finished.



It's a representation of your deepest essence...
It's great, right!?
...
(They think my art is terrible.)
Well!
I'll leave you with that thought!
Goodbye!
See you later!
Sayonara!
Nice knowing ya!
Hasta la vista.



I should leave.



Well that was a pointless, if lucrative, aside.



I get in a fight with two Pyropes on the way back. Solution is the same as with one.



Hey, why don't we all go over and watch anime?
ANIME?
ISN'T THAT A KIND OF CARTOON FOR SMALL CHILDREN?
Oh my GOD!!!
Anime isn't just for kids! It's deep! It's EMOTIONAL!!!
IS (THE SOUND A BABY MAKES) AN EMOTION?
YEah CAUSE It'S HoW I'M FEElinG RIGHT NOW!!!
WAIT...
UNDYNE, DO YOU LIKE ANIME?
...
UH OH!!!
I MEAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANY.
MAYBE I ACTUALLY DO LIKE ANIME!
You don't have to say that, Papyrus.
MAYBE I'M A BABY WHO LOVES CARTOONS FOR CHILDREN!
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT, PAPYRUS!!



I head to Waterfall.



Remember this red house?



This is what the Mystery Key is for.



So this is what's next to Napstablook's house...



It's sad. Without her sister to speak for her...
She's become more reclusive than ever.
So I reached out to her, and told her...
That she, Blooky, and I should all perform together sometime.
She seemed to like that idea.



I love to collect diaries.



That leaves just Blooky and I.
Blooky asked me if I was going to try to become corporeal, too.
They sounded so... Resigned...
Come on, Blooky. You know I'd never leave you behind.
And besides...
I'd never find the kind of body I'm looking for, anyway.



Last week I posted that advertisement for my Human Fanclub.
Today was our first meeting.
Only one other person came.
Honestly she's a dork. And she's obsessed with these awful cartoons.
But she's kind of funny too....
I want to see her again.



I have like five now.



Sketches of a body that she wants to create for me...
A form beyond my wildest fantasies.
In a form like that, I could finally feel like... "myself."
After all, there's no way I can be a star the way I am now.
Sorry, Blooky. My dreams can't wait for anyone...



Very interesting.

But I'm here for another reason.



I buy a bunch of Cloudy Glasses from the turtle for 30G each.



Then, I go to Temmie Village,



And I sell them for 50G each.



b.. but...
p!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



With a bit of haggling, sometimes I can get them up to 65G a pop.



with my dimensional boxes, I have room to take 14 Cloudy Glasses on each trip. This is the fastest way to make money.



At some point during this long process, I fiddle with the Dog Residue a bit. Sometimes it makes things other than more dog Residue.



I keep one dog salad, and sell the rest for varying amounts of money.



Eventually, I have a ton of cash.



It's time to make tem's dreams come true.

Using their own money.



thas ALOT o muns... can tem realy acepts...
OKs!!!! tem go to colleg and make u prouds!!!





tem learn MANY THINs, learn to sell new ITEM! yayA!!!



The temy ARMOR!!! is the strongest armor in the game. It offers 20 defense, increases attack slightly, extends invulnerability frames, and heals 1 HP at the start of each turn.

The cost starts at 9999G, and goes down every time you die. The fact that the price is only 9000G reveals my terrible secret: I've actually died once already. Off screen.



The tem armor is there as an emergency panic option for people who are finding the game too difficult. The more times you've died, the easier it becomes to get.

I won't be taking it myself.



I head back to Hotland...



...and make my way to the Core.